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Introducing certain toys into your relationship can be daunting at first, like how do you even bring it up? (Don’t worry – we’ll get to that.) However, bringing a vibrator into play can be a super exciting way to spice up your sex life and bring enhance the experience for both parties! Most people with vaginas need some additional form of external stimulation to orgasm. And while orgasms don’t always have to be the end goal of sex, they are pretty great – and not just because they feel awesome. Pleasurable sex offers all sorts of health-boosting benefits: from improving mood to relieving stress and ramping up immunity. Orgasms also have a slew of documented beauty benefits (hello, brighter, glowier, plumped-up skin!) and they may even bring you and your partner closer (cute!). How to talk to your partner about sex with toys We get it – broaching the topic of bringing a toy to the bedroom can be scary, but it can also be incredibly empowering and it might just be the one move that takes your sex life to the next level! As with all things relationship, communication is key… Talk first, act later A conversation beforehand is a must to make sure all parties are comfortable and consent to what’s about to go down. So try not to whip out an unannounced toy mid-sex session (even a small vibrator might throw them off their game if they’re not ready!). 2. Be honest Be prepared for the talk to potentially be a little awkward – this is totally normal. Tell them why the thought of using toys together turns you on. Not sure how to bring it up? You might lead with something like, “I read an article about sex toys for couples the other day, and it got me really turned on…” And if you’re feeling nervous about the conversation, let your partner know that too – being vulnerable can help them feel safe to do the same.3. Put their fears to bed There’s definitely no need for your other half to feel threatened by the introduction of a sex toy or two – nothing can beat IRL human contact! Approach carefully if they do get offended and reassure them that a vibrator isn’t a replacement; rather it’s a way of enhancing the experience for you both. Choosing your vibrator When your partner’s on board, go shopping online together to find a good fit for you both. When it comes to sex toys for beginners, a small vibrator may be a non-threatening space to start.The dizzying array of shapes, sizes, colours and sensations available can get confusing, so let us break down a few of the more common vibe styles… The bullet vibrator Fantastic sex toys for beginners, these are just as much fun for solo play as they are for couples. They’re compact and discreet, their bullet-like shape makes them pretty inoffensive (no bruised egos here!) and they can be used on all sorts of body parts. Play with sensations on your or your partner’s nipples or clitoris, run gently along the shaft of the penis, or lightly touch on the perineum. The clitoral vibrator When it comes to external stimulation, sometimes fingers and tongues just don’t cut it. Using a buzzy or rumbly vibrating sensation or very light suction technology (which creates gentle changes in air pressure to give a pulsating feeling), the clitoral vibrator knows just how to stimulate the clitoris to help you on your way to a mind-blowing climax. We heart the Velvetine Nora Panty Vibe, which can be controlled via remote control, meaning you can hand the reins over to your partner. View this post on InstagramA post shared by Vush (@vush_official) The G spot vibrator Want to know how to orgasm internally? Vagina owners will be on the lookout for the G-spot, which is notoriously tricky to reach, but when you do – watch out! There’s a whole class of vibrators to help you find this elusive pleasure point, which is tucked away on the front wall of the vagina. G spot vibrators are usually designed with a curve and a rounded tip to help you target the sweet spot. (Hint: If you’re unsure where you want to be buzzing, a G spot vibrator is a great pick as it can also be used on the clitoris). Sex toys for couples Pretty much any toy you use for a solo lovin’ session can be brought to the bedroom. Better yet, some toys are made with duo pleasure in mind, like the We-Vibe Sync. Nifty hands-free tools like this stimulate the clitoris and the G-spot at the same time, while still leaving plenty of room for penetration, allowing penis owners to enjoy those vibey sensations as they move in and out. For P-in-V sex, cock rings also bring the fun feels to both parties, worn at the shaft of the penis to deliver good vibrations to the clitoris during penetrative sex. View this post on InstagramA post shared by We-Vibe (@wevibe) How to use a vibrator with your partner So you’ve kitted out your toolbox and you’re ready to go, but where do you start when it comes to actually having sex with toys involved? Open, honest communication and verbal encouragement are a must. Tell your partner what feels good, guide them to your sweet spots or show them how you like it by turning the toy on yourself (there’s nothing wrong with taking control of your own pleasure while you’re doing the deed). You may also want to play around with different positions to get the best possible access – it’s not always the easiest to keep a handheld clitoral vibrator in place, for instance, while in missionary (hot tip: girl-on-top is a good place to be for max control). Sex toys for beginners: FAQs Whether you’re manning the buttons or your partner is pleasuring you with your new investment, there are a few things to know to get the most out of your partnered playtime. Where is the clitoris? The external part of the clitoris (the glans clitoris) is around the size of a pea and is tucked away under the clitoral hood, above the vaginal opening and urethra. It can be a bit of an iceberg situation – the majority of the clitoris isn’t actually visible, yet rather hidden inside your body. How to stimulate the clitoris Applying stimulation (for example, with a vibrator) to the external part of the clitoris is a sure-fire road to orgasm-town for many people with vaginas. Don’t forget it’s important to remember that everyone’s body is different, so explore to find what feels good for you! Where is the G spot?As a rough guide, the G spot is located about a third of the way up the inner front wall of the vagina – though it could be higher or closer to the vaginal opening because, we repeat, everyone is unique! It can feel a little rougher than the surrounding skin (a bit spongey or like orange peel) and is usually best stimulated with a “come hither” motion of a finger. How to orgasm Finding it hard to climax? First of all, relax – this is supposed to be fun, remember?! Get yourself into the mood in whatever way works for you – light some candles, run a bath – so that when you get down to business you’re feeling calm and present. Orgasms can happen by playing with other erogenous zones, too – try having your partner play with, suck or bite your nipples, or even try teasing them with your new toy. And remember – you don’t have to climax for sex to be fun. What does lube do?Our bodies naturally create lubrication when we’re aroused, so if things aren’t getting slippery enough on their own, sex can get uncomfortable (or downright painful). Lube reduces friction and can make the whole process more fun for all, even if you’re not experiencing dryness – in one study, 70 percent of the 2453 women surveyed said sex was more pleasurable with lube. And it’s a must for anal play! Just avoid silicone-based lube with silicone toys, as they can break down the material over time. Water-based lubes are usually a pretty safe bet (but make sure to always check the instructions). How to clean sex toys When playtime’s over, please, please remember to give your sex toys a wash to prevent the build-up of bacteria. Many can be cleaned with warm, soapy water but check the instructions for how to keep your new bedroom friend hygienic. There are also an array of toy cleaners available on the market made specifically for toy cleansing and longevity (our pick is the Sensuva Think Clean Thoughts Toy Cleaner). Be sure to clean after every use. Explore the large selection of premium sexual wellness products available at Oz Hair & Beauty with your partner today and prepare to have some fun in the bedroom! When we feel great on the inside, it shows. Not only do we smile more and feel uplifted, happy and healthy, but our hair appears more lustrous and healthy an… READ MORE Winter brings more than just colder temperatures and warm jackets. 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Published on : 4 July 20254 July 2025 Published by : EDITOR BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE BY COTTONBRO STUDIO If you’re a sapphic wanting to introduce sex toys into your sex life with your partner/s, you might have some questions. Where do you get started? What’s worth spending on? Well, I’m Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at the Swedish relationship and sex positive magazine Passionerad. I also happen to be bisexual. I’m here to give you a newbie’s guide through the jungle of sex toys for sapphic couples. Couple vibrators are the sh*t! A couple’s vibrator is a vibrator designed to be able to be used with a partner. I recommend investing in a model that’s remote controlled through an app on the phone, as well as one which’s stimulating both the G-spot and the clit! A personal favourite is Lovense Lush 3, which you can buy at the official store. This is a best seller that guarantees amazing orgasms, both G-spot and clitoral climaxes, and with a little bit of training, you can even get them at the same time. The vibrator is insertable and has tons of settings that are controlled from the phone. And for the one’s wanting to bring the fun in public – put it inside, get dressed and let your partner connect their phone to the vibrator, and then visit a restaurant, a bar, go to a park for a picnic, visit a museum or why not attend a concert – all while the vibrator is being controlled. Massage wands are awesome A good old classic massage wand is actually great to use together, thanks to the long shaft which makes it easy to reach. You can use it on your partner while making out, thanks to being able to reach the clitoris without needing to be down there. I’d recommend the Doxy Die Cast – a small and handy, yet extremely strong, wand vibrator with a maximum effect between 3000 and 9000 (RPM) vibrations per minute, depending on what model you go for. It starts at 1000 RPM, and for each press on the button, you add another 1000 vibrations, which means it works well both for sapphics enjoying soft vibrations, and the one’s loving it more intensely! You can buy the wand here. Dildos for beginners Dildos are a great complement to the fingers, and they do give a completely different feeling. They can also be used in tons of different ways – both vaginally or anally, in different sex positions and combined with other sex toys, such as vibrators. Either use them on each other, or in front of each other! I love a dildo called Arch from Le Wand. It’s made out of stainless steel which doesn’t give a penis look, and it’s shaped to reach the G-spot for extra pleasurable fun. While it’s a bit pricey, the material lasts forever and is perfect to use for water sex and temperature play! You can get yours here. Vibrating butt plugs Vibrating butt plugs can be used both to prepare for anal sex, and as a stimulator itself. While everyone can use it, it feels extra great for trans women with a prostate since it can give P-spot orgasms! I love the Lovense Hush 2 – an app controlled butt plug that comes in four sizes, that’s designed to glide in easily, and has a big stop in the bottom making it impossible for the plug to slide in and disappear in the ass. You can buy the Hush 2 at Lovense’s official website. Lube, lube and more lube! What is sex without lube? Even if you’re not missing it, adding it to your sex life will make you wish you had started to use it earlier, because everything from oral sex to fingering gets more intimate, smooth and pleasurable! If using the lube without any sex toys made out of silicone, or without dental dams, I recommend everyone try out Überlube which you can buy here. It’s a natural lube which means it doesn’t take away any smell or taste. It also lasts forever and comes in a luxurious glass bottle, which can be bought in different sizes! For queer women who use dental dams, condoms or sex toys made out of silicone, such as vibrators, I instead recommend Fleshlube – a water based lube that’s very affordable as well as natural in taste and smell. You can buy it at Fleshlight’s official online store. For those curious about pegging… Pegging is perfect for sapphics who’d like to have penetrative anal sex, and to get started, you need to invest in a harness and a strap-on dildo! For the harness, my top recommendation is the fully adjustable strap-on harness called StrapHer. It fits all body types, has amazing quality and is robust and stable when pegging. You can buy it here! For the strap-on dildo, I recommend a purple best seller called WondHer. It doesn’t look like a penis, it’s made out of soft silicone, has a glans-formed top for nicer stimulation and is bendable which gives a more realistic feeling. You can buy it at Wet For Her. Further reading: My guide on exploring pegging in your sapphic relationship. Double dildos = double the fun By using a double dildo, both of you can get penetrated at the same time. My favourite way to use a double dildo is to stand in doggystyle, turned away from each other, and go back and forth against the dildo. (You can also use a wand vibrator on the clitoris at the same time!). For newbies, I would recommend a double dildo called Double Whammy. It’s quite thin, soft and bendable, and the tops are a bit bigger for greater stimulation. You can find it at PipeDreams official website. Last thoughts… Talk with your partner about what sex toys you’re interested in before investing in them, and remember that you don’t need to get it all at once. It’s better to start off easy and get a feel for it! DIVA magazine celebrates 31 years in print in 2025. If you like what we do, then get behind LGBTQIA+ media and keep us going for another generation. Your support is invaluable.✨linkin.bio/ig-divamagazine ✨ Share this: Click to share on X (Opens in new window)X Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Facebook Click to share on X (Opens in new window)X Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Facebook Like this: LikeLoading…LikeLoading…- Women’s Euros 2022: Which Lionesses are out as LGBTQI and who are they dating? 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